Post Transfer

It's been a bit since my last post! Sorry, I've been busy with school and Gossip Girl. No really haha... I usually never watch tv at all, but I find myself only wanting to binge watch episode after episode. It's not a good habit to get into. But! I am supposed to be taking it easy, and I would classify my recent actions as just that.

We had our transfer appointment last Tuesday, so it's been a week!! Pretty much the longest week of my life. Our appointment was at 12:30, so I worked half a day. For the procedure, I was awake and just took a Valium to relax. Knowing this, I asked my mom if she could pick me up from school and drive me down and back. She was stoked when I asked her to come, what mother wouldn't want to be in the room when her daughter gets impregnated!! ;) Good thing our situation is a LITTLE different... Tyk works in West Valley City, so he just met us at the clinic in Pleasant Grove. When we got into the procedure room, Dr. Gurtcheff came in and talked with us about our embryo status. We had 4 embryos that had progressed to where they could be transferred! We had 3 more that were still trying to get there. She gave us our options of transferring 1 or 2 embryos, as well as all of the statistics of both, the risks, and her recommendation. She then explained that this is our autonomy and ultimately this decision is up to us. She and my mom then stepped out of the room to give Tyk and I a chance to talk alone. We went back and forth on what to do, what are future could hold, and finally made a decision. We've decided that this decision is personal, and that we're not going to share AT THIS TIME. I realize that when I chose to write this blog that I opened myself up to the world and thus far I do believe that I have done that. So... I will share, I promise! I will give all details and how we came up with the decision, but for now just know that the transfer went great and we were able to freeze some for a later time if needed! 

Last Wednesday and Thursday I had my princess days, and I didn't think of what COULD be going on in my body too much, but now that it's getting closer to finding out it's a lot of what I think about! I'm trying to stay level headed, and I realize that we have done absolutely everything we can possible and now it's out of our hands. This is so easy to say, but I'm still human, and I still having feelings and emotions. So honestly.... I want to be real, and I want to share how I'm feeling, to show that it's normal. I'm worried. And about some of the silliest things! I'm worried that I won't be pregnant, that I could be but it could turn out to be a chemical pregnancy, that I will have to do this whole process again and that I won't be able to do it, that it won't work again the second time, how I'm going to tell my family, friends, and all of you the news if good or not so good (yes that is so silly to worry about I know), and that I'm worrying at all. I'm worrying about things that are completely out of my control for the most part, and I realize this. So I just go back to Gods plan for my family and I've been praying that his plan is now. That now is when we're supposed to start our family. That now is when this chapter of our lives is going to end. That now is the time where Tyker and I finally get the blessing of becoming parents. I pray that now is the time where my plan and Gods plan are finally going to coincide. 

I finally for the first time throughout this whole journey, had a crying breakdown. Sunday night Tyker and I started talking about how we would tell our families the news. I have been looking on Pinterest and Etsy all week for ways to tell them. I'm more stressed about this than the actually news. So as we were talking about it I started crying and Tyk was so confused why! He said "Why are you sad, this is not something to be sad about." I just told him back that I was "not sad, I'm just upset!"  Haha like there is much difference... I explained to him that telling our family that we are having a baby has been a dream of mine since I was a teenager. I explained it similar to how I looked forward to my wedding day. I've just had this "idea" of how it was going to be and now, with our situation, it's kinda put a kibosh to that. They've kept tabs on what's going on, when things are happening, how I'm feeling, and everything else. So any sort of surprise that I have planned on my WHOLE life, is out of the question. I think I should just quit planning...

Other than that one episode of tears, this journey has been fairly simple for me. I've felt pretty good throughout the whole process, other than being tired! I feel blessed that it has gone smooth and if round two is coming... I'm ready for ya!

Bare with me with the next update. Hopefully good news will be coming soon!!! 

Stay tuned.... And ALWAYS thank you for reading and for all of the love and support! 

Love, 

Shandee