I have to write about this first week while I remember it.
Once I delivered, I had to go back to my room to recover for 1 hour. On the way out as they were rolling me away on the hospital bed, they showed me both of the babies in the room next to me and it was pretty upsetting to me. I see MiLynn first and they have one of those oxygen masks with the bag on the end on her face pumping oxygen into her lungs. I remember the nurse saying they are just doing that to open up her lungs. I don't care what they were doing, no new mom wants to see their brand new baby like that... they rolled me around to another door so I could see Bannik and honestly I can't even remember really seeing him because I was upset about MiLynn.
We got back to the room, where my mom, Robin, and Gregg were waiting for me. We walked in and my mom said "we have babies!" And I told her yes! They all gave me a huge hug and Karli said how good I did. The nurse got me all set up on the best way to recover, and told me in an hour that I could go see my babies and then they'd move me to postpartum. During that hour, Karli and I talked about the delivery and how smooth everything went. She got some pictures on her phone and recorded right as the babies came out, so she showed my mom, Robin, and Gregg that. Tyk stayed back with the babies for a couple of minutes and then he was back in my room too. He even says that it was too hard for him to watch the nurses and doctors poke our babies to put in IV's and do the required actions for the time being.
When my hour was up, the nurse transferred me to a wheel chair and took me to see my babies in the NICU. I can't even explain how devastating this first experience seeming my babies for more than 30 seconds was. I knew before they were born that they would need some extra help and that they would be in the NICU for a while. I mean, they were born more than a month early what can you expect. But as we rolled in there, it was extremely hard to see them like that at first. I saw Bannik first, and I immediately started crying. He had been hooked up to a ventilator to help him breath, and he had tubes coming out and going in everywhere. He looked like he was having the hardest time breathing. The nurse told me that he had a collapsed chest and that it was something that they saw every so ofter, it would be like that his whole life, it was a genetic condition that happens, and it wasn't going to really effect him. I don't care if it was any of those things, he had it and I felt like it was my fault. We went over and saw MiLynn who was just a few steps away, and once again I don't really remember seeing her. The nurse kept telling me things about their care and other stuff and at this point I was so overwhelmed and exhausted that I couldn't even keep my eyes open to listen to what she was saying. I told Tyker I wanted to leave, and nurse took me to my room.
We got to my postpartum room and my mom, Karli, and Gregg were there. I got settled in the bed and began to tell them about the babies. I just cried as I talked about Bannik. I told them I felt like it was my fault that he had all of that happening to him and how much it looked like he was struggling. They all reassured me that it wasn't my fault, and that it was just time for them to come. I fell asleep shortly after that and slept for about three hours.
The nurses came in and woke me up at about 3 o'clock. They made me get up to go to the bathroom and the whole time I thought Tyk was asleep in the chair or on the couch. Once I realized he wasn't in the room at all, I remember telling the nurses that I didn't know where my husband was, but probably getting some food. They left and I called Tyk. "Hi where are you?" He replies "I'm with the babies." How cute is this!!!? It made me smile and he told me he'd be right there to get me. When we got back to the NICU, it was a much better experience than the first time. Bannik was already off of the ventilator and his little chest was not moving up and down a hundred miles per hour just to breath. The nurse came back and talked with us about both of them, and explained how their care times worked. They have care times every three hours. This is the best time for us to see them because they change their bums, take their temperature, feed them, give them baths, and do anything else they need. They are awake during this time! At this time, it went care time. So we sat for a little bit and watched them and then went back to the room.
We finally ordered some food from the cafeteria and I tried pumping for the first time. It wasn't horrible but I maybe got half a drop out in a 15 minute time period. I expected this, so I didn't mind. Our food came and I had chicken noodle soup. That soup is sooo good! I think I said this in my earlier post when I was in the hospital for preterm labor, but I'm serious, it's amazing! We just relaxed for a little while and then Tyk's parents came to see how we were doing.
We all went down to see the babies at 7 and this is when I got to hold Bannik for the first time! I just sat and cried with him for a couple of minutes. It was such a special moment for me because he was my sick baby and I wanted nothing more than to just hold and protect him. We got to do skin to skin and I held him for over an hour while he looked at me and I told him how much I loved him. Tyk held MiLynn and she opened her eyes to look at her daddy. This was such a special night for both of us. We left feeling a lot better about how our babies were and knew that we just needed to give them time.
The next day we went and saw the babies all throughout the day. When we went in early that morning, MiLynn had her oxygen tube that's supposed to go in her nose in her mouth! I asked the nurse if that's where it was supposed to be and of course she said no. She then told us that her oxygen saturation level hadn't even gone down with that not being in her nose, and she took her off of it! Yay! One down, one to go! Everyone had told us that little boys have a harder time than little boys, so asked the nurse if it was boys in multiple baby situations or was that the case in singleton births as well. She simply turned her head to me and said "white boys." Well there ya have it. White boys are little sissy's! Just kidding. But really if you think about it, boys in general mature slower than girls in most all things, do it makes sense. Bannik didn't take long though, he was off of the oxygen later that night!
We got discharged the next day, Tuesday at this point. I could not wait to be home. We had the option to board in the hospital if we wanted to while the babes are in the NICU, but who in their right mind would want to stay in the hospital any longer than they had to... I think I'd feel different if we didn't live so close, but there was no way I was about to do that in our situation. Hospitals are not places to feel comfortable. There is people prying at you every couple of hours, the beds are awful, and they just suck! So we went and seen the babies and then we headed home for a couple of hours. On the way, we had to stop at the home health care place to get a breast pump. Tyk went in to pick it up, and came out empty handed. He told me that they need a pre-authorization from my insurance in order to pick it up and to come back later before they closed at 6. I was not okay with this. I needed that pump as soon as I got home and my insurance should have already authorized the transaction. So I called my insurance and the sweet lady gave me the authorization number over the phone and wished us lucky with the twins. I decided that I was going inside this time and I was coming back out with a pump. Tyk said "Shand don't be mean to her. It's not her fault!" Ha! I wasn't planning to be mean, I was just going to show her the urgency of my situation and explain that I needed the pump now. But I didn't even have to do that. As soon as she got the authorization number she said "give me a minute to get your pump." From there I had to sign some papers and we were on our way!
It was so nice to finally be home, but it was really hard to not have the babies with us. I can honestly say though, I wish every mom had the chance to come home without their babies for 3 nights so they had the chance to take care of themselves, sleep, and recover before they have to take care of a baby as well. Hospitals are not a place for sleep, so you are exhausted, you're figuring out this new life that you so happy have just entered, and its tough... So yes it sucked to not have my babies for the first little while, but I truly am so grateful that I was able to recover from the deliver before we got to bring them home. Once babies are home, it was see ya later to sleep, sanity, and me time... which I would change for anything, but its a still a transition that takes time!
Thanks for reading!
Love,
Shandee
Thanks for reading!
Love,
Shandee
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